Oh Buttercup

You built me up, you sneaky gal, you. And now I'm down, cuz you never called, baby, when you said you would... 

but do I love you still? 

So! Cali! On a happy note, since dwelling on negative is just no good. Its for the birds! Ellora and I will be going to California for 2 weeks before I am in school. Excited!!! Goodness knows I need a vacation.... from life... from AZ... from my cell phone? Yes. Dearly needed. 

So far we have a week in the Bay Area: fly into San Jose the 27th, probly stay with Sherri for the weekend or have her get me to Gma's; or else try to see more BA family (Lisa, Nesto, etc) and then go up to Gmas. The 2nd half is gonna be in SoCal with Aunt Donna and Sam and seeing JOEY!!!! I am excited! And even though theyre gonna be busy with wedding stuff, I am hoping to see my brother and sis-in-law as much as possible :) And from there we will head back North to hopefully catch Brit and her beau for her birthday (too wonderful of timing, i'd say!)  in Santa Cruz before making our way back to SJ to peace out back to AZ.

Wowa-wee-wa!! 

In that time I want to see:

a zoo (SD or SF, either works)

at least 3 beaches

Ellora in the ocean 

as many family members as i can

Ashley & her fam 

myself completely happy

The grey area that I have been living in for the last 2 weeks has been awful. I think I liked the clean break a lot more than the limbo I have been in for this time. At least there I felt empowered in myself. I didnt resort to waiting for a phone to chirp with message or groove with a call. 

pathetic. 

But I have only myself to blame. I was too eager to cling to something again, anything and I let myself get lost again. I cut myself off from happiness again, because I felt like that was the way to be happy again. But devoting my life and heart to this didnt work in the first place... why would it now? 

I needed that slip up to remind me. 

It still hurts, though. 

a lot.