Weak Moments?

Oh yes.

The weak moments.

Let's just say we are not strangers, these weak moments and I. There are some that are just NOT going to end up in this post. Maybe later on in life, if I get to that whole looking back and laughing thing. Til then, just know there are some funny lows. (yeah, they're funny, i admit) 

Massage the other day? Well it started off all wrong. For starters, I thought it was one place, and it turned out to be a completely different place... that I had no idea of its location. Yeah. Not good. So I finally get in touch with my mom and find out its around the corner from where we are. Whats the harm in going? So I showed up about half an hour late. It was a LivingSocial deal so it wasnt refundable or able to be applied anywhere else; so I ended up just getting the rest of the massage, which ended up being about 25 minutes. Oh well, my bad. I should have bugged my mom about the email. Anyway! Back to the massage. The dude was a dorky looking fellow. And anyone who knows me at alllllllll knows I have a serious weak spot for dorks, geeks, nerds, awkward, etc. 

Love em. 

Thankfully and simultaneously regrettably I kept my pants on. This 25 minutes was to be spent on my back ("hooray!" my back cheered with delight) 

and so it did not require the taking off of the pantalones. Mr J knew what was up with the sore muscles and was able to get some good work done in the 25 mins. Most massages I have received from professionals have been borderline torturous. They have caused major discomfort and pain. Needless to say I would rather bug loved ones for massages that I am ok with specifying pressure and location than go to a pro who makes me feel all anxious about needing therapy. 

they're always judging my tension....

^.^  hehehe ...

 It made me feel really strange to have some unknown guy touching my topless back. The main reason probably being that I havent had anyone other than C or a well known friend touching any part of me while topless. The other side being that he was all dorky cute. And then he got flirty and all accidental poetic [yep, this happened] while explaining about himself. It was darn cute. 

weak moment: I actually went home thinking about J the massage dude. errrrkk. 

Online. Dating. Two words for me to stay FAR away from. I know what happens; been there, done that, nooooooo thank you.

So when I found myself on the stupid site, browsing, it scares me a little. I am confessing this weak moment in hopes that owning up to it will prevent me from ever wandering back to the thorn path of online dating. There are many great things about it, Im sure. They have a gajillion and five commercials about it, and it cannot all be smoke and mirrors. However, it is not for me. I do not NEED to date anyone, nor do I really want to. I have too much going on in my own life right now to try to share it or any part of myself with someone. I need to be completely ok with me [or at least for the most part, a semi sane portion] before I can think about anyone else. And Ellora plays the biggest role in any future relationship I have. I dont really think finding someone based on a vaguely informative website is a wise or safe decision. 

No more online browsing. 

Ok enough of the weak moments. 

Scallops turned out super tasty. However, they didnt get as pretty as I had hoped. There were a couple of things I know to do differently next time. Still. Nums!!! Next time I will take a pretty picture. 

This morning has been so wonderful. It makes me think to myself how lucky I am. And then the evil thought of how much it sucks to be C creeps into my head. I feel bad thinking it, because I know it shouldnt make me feel better when I know I envy his freedom at times. Well at least I can admit it. I would not trade these days, mornings, weeks for any amount of freedom and lack of responsibility. I'd take every frustrating moment or lonely thought for this... I know i made the right decision. And I will be a lot better off when I can leave the house as I please. Hooray driving freedoms with my baby!! Admittedly I am going to need to go a couple of test runs alone. I am a little skittish in cars and its only gotten worse. So... get comfortable first and THEN off we go!